A Voice in Ramah
by Girl in a White Dress
Summary: Follows Because the Night. Calleigh and Speed investigate the death of a teen while a homicide investigation turns personal for Yelina and Horatio. HC. COMPLETE!
1. one

Title: A Voice in Ramah

Author: Melanie-Anne

Rating: PG-13

Archive: Anywhere, just let me know so I can visit.

Summary: Follows Because the Night. Calleigh and Speed investigate the death of a teen while a homicide investigation turns personal for Yelina and Horatio. H/C.

Disclaimer: Only in my dreams do they belong to me ::sigh::

A/N: Sixth in my series. The other stories are Kryptonite, But She Breaks, Bulletproof, Twilight Time and Because the Night. Thanks to Hgirl for betaing, you're the best.

Warning: This story deals with rape and abortion. No offence intended to anyone.

Dedicated to those who suffer in secret and in silence.

* * *

A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because her children are no more.

Jeremiah 31:15

* * *

Calleigh was excited for her first day of work as Detective Caine, though she wished that the honeymoon had been longer. The week was wonderful; they'd sailed up and down the Miami coast, resisting the temptation to just keep going wherever the tide took them.

Now, they were back in the real world, and there was no gentle easing into work. Horatio didn't even make it into CSI; he went straight to a crime scene at the Sleep 'n Eat motel near the airport.

Calleigh, Alexx and Speed were called to a crime scene in Coconut Grove. The minute Calleigh arrived, she wished she'd taken another week off.

A teenage girl lay on her back in her bed, horribly pale. She looked to be no older than sixteen, and the bedroom still bore remnants of childhood. Porcelain clowns sat on top of a bookshelf; Calleigh couldn't help thinking that they looked almost sinister, their glass eyes reflecting the horrible scene. There was a faded teddy bear in bed with the girl; her fingers still wrapped around its arm. After Speed took a few photos, Alexx carefully pulled down the bedspread.

"Oh, God."

The three CSIs stared at the girl. The bottom half of her nightgown was soaked in blood.

"What do you think happened?" Speed asked.

Alexx shook her head, her expression pained. "We'll find out soon enough, won't we, sugar?"

Hagen spoke from the door. "Her name's Adrienne Oxley. She's fifteen. Her parents say she went to bed early last night, she wasn't feeling well. When her mother couldn't wake her up this morning, she called the paramedics, who called us. Mom insisted we pull the covers back up. Said she wanted to keep her warm." He shook his head. "We had a hell of a time trying to get her to leave the room."

"Fifteen years old," Calleigh said. "It isn't right."

"The window's locked from the inside," Speed said. "No one got in that way."

"You're going to have to wait to talk to the parents. Mom just realized the kid's not going to wake up and the paramedics have sedated her." Hagen flipped his notebook closed. "Welcome back, Calleigh."

She frowned. "This is one hell of welcome."

* * *

Horatio and Delko entered the motel room, unsure of what to expect. Yelina stood in one corner, staring down at a small table. When she turned to greet them, Horatio saw crank. Meth. His jaw tightened imperceptibly.

"Drug deal gone bad?" he asked.

"It looks like it."

Horatio looked around the room. Three bodies lay on the floor. There were bloodstains on the bed.

"There was a woman," Yelina said. "They took her to the hospital. It's pretty serious; I doubt she's going to make it."

Horatio thought of his brother; he couldn't help it. He knew Yelina was thinking about him too. Every drug case brought up memories of Raymond, and of how he died. It was something Horatio and Yelina would live with forever. "Are you okay with this?" he asked, too low for Delko to hear.

She nodded. "I'm fine."

"Okay." Horatio knelt next to the body nearest to the bed. As he bent to retrieve a bullet casing, he heard a sniffling noise from under the bed. Very slowly, he shone his torch into the darkness, surprised to find a little girl looking back at him.

"Hello."

She said nothing, but shrank further away.

Horatio knew she'd probably seen everything that had happened, but wished she hadn't. No child deserved that kind of trauma.

"I'm Horatio. Can you tell me who you are?"

Again, no reply.

"You must be pretty hungry, angel. I bet, if you came out, we could get you some breakfast."

"Is the bad man gone?"

Horatio wasn't sure who the bad man was. "Yes."

"I'm not s'posed to talk to strangers."

Horatio unclipped his badge and slid it to her. "Do you know what this is?"

The child nodded. "Are you a policeman?"

"Yes."

"Mommy says it's okay to talk to policemen. She says policeman are the only strangers you can trust."

"Your mom's a very smart woman." Horatio held out his hand and was rewarded a few seconds later when a tiny hand stretched out and took it. The girl crawled out; keeping her eyes fixed on Horatio. He wondered why she didn't look at the bodies, then realized she'd had the whole night to look at them.

"Is your name really Horatio?"

"Yes, it is." He studied the girl. She was pretty, though a little underfed, and there was something disconcertingly familiar about her.

"My name's Madison."

"Well, Madison, I'm very pleased to meet you."

Madison smiled shyly at Delko before turning her attention to Yelina. "Who's that? Is she also a policeman?"

"That's Yelina. She's a detective."

"She's pretty."

"Yes, she is." Horatio had an idea; he hoped it would get Yelina's mind off Raymond. "Tell you what, I've got to be here for a while. Why don't you let Yelina get you something to eat?"

Madison nodded slowly. When Yelina picked her up, she fingered Yelina's curls, and broke into a smile.

"Are you a princess?"

Yelina blinked in surprise. "I'm sorry?"

"Princesses have hair like this," Madison stated in a superior tone. "Or yellow hair, like my mom. My mom's a princess. But the bad man hurt her."

"Did you see the bad man, Madison?" Yelina asked.

Madison buried her face in Yelina's shoulder. "I don't want to talk about the bad man."

"Okay. Why don't you tell me more about your mommy."

Madison shook her head. "I'm hungry."

"Madison, could you do something for me before you go?" Horatio asked.

"What?"

He took a Q-tip from his field kit. "Could you let me see your hands?"

Madison looked at Yelina, who gave an encouraging nod. "Okay."

When Horatio finished taking the swabs from her nails, Yelina said, "Alright. Let's get you something to eat. Horatio, if you need me—"

"I'll call. Thank you, Yelina." He held her gaze for a moment, then nodded.

* * *

Calleigh went straight from the autopsy lab to the interview room where Adrienne Oxley's boyfriend was. She studied him through the glass before she entered. Doug Radford was sixteen, on the honor roll and the swim team. He was also very upset. Calleigh smiled as she sat down.

"Hi, Doug. I'm Calleigh Caine. I'm working on Adrienne's case. Can I ask you a few questions?"

"Yeah, whatever." Doug's eyes were glazed; Calleigh recognized the look and sighed. She didn't think she'd get very far with him.

"Okay. Doug, I've got the autopsy results back—"

"You cut her open? Why'd you have to do that?" His voice broke, and he covered his eyes with his hand.

"Doug, did you know that Adrienne had an abortion shortly before she died?"

Doug paled. Calleigh knew without him having to speak that he hadn't known.

"Did you know she was pregnant?"

Doug shook his head. "You must have made a mistake. She couldn't be pregnant. That's impossible. We hadn't, you know, had sex. Adrienne said she was waiting for marriage. I thought that was cool. You're wrong."

"Unfortunately, Doug, I'm not. Something went wrong during the abortion. The wall of her uterus was torn and she bled to death."

Doug's mouth opened and closed, but there was no sound. "This isn't happening."

"Doug . . ."

"Can I see her? Maybe you've got the wrong person."

"I'm sorry." Calleigh stood, her heart breaking for this kid. Either he was telling the truth, or he was a very skilled liar. Calleigh's instincts were telling her it was the former.

Speed tapped the glass.

"Excuse me." She stepped out. "What's up?"

"I've been speaking to the best friend. She seems pretty shaken up. Started going on about what a great person Adrienne was: cheerleader, youth leader at her church, student council, good with kids . . . She sounds too good to be true, you know?"

Calleigh nodded. "It matches what I got from her boyfriend. He says they weren't sleeping together."

"You think Adrienne had a darker side? Miami's own Laura Palmer?"

"That's one explanation. Did you speak to the parents?"

"Yeah. They had no idea she was pregnant."

"Okay. I'm going to go back to the house. If she was hiding something, I'll find it."

* * *

Elizabeth Oxley sat in a sedative-induced stupor on the edge of Adrienne's bed. Calleigh's first instinct was to ask her to leave the crime scene, but she didn't have the heart. The poor woman had just lost her only child.

"Mrs. Oxley?"

Elizabeth looked up and blinked slowly. Calleigh could almost see her mind work as she tried to figure out who she was.

"I'm Calleigh Caine. I was here this morning. I'm with the—"

"Adrienne's not here." Elizabeth smoothed her hands across the bedspread.

"I know. Mrs. Oxley, I need to take another look at her room."

"Why?"

"I'm with the crime lab."

Elizabeth's mouth formed a small 'O' and she stood. "Your friend said that she . . . that Adrienne was . . . that she had an . . ."

"Mrs. Oxley, I understand this is difficult. Why don't you wait downstairs while I finish up in here? I'll be more than happy to answer your questions then."

Elizabeth nodded and made her way to the door. "She was a good girl, you know. I don't know how this happened."

Calleigh bit her lip. There was nothing she could say to ease this woman's pain. Elizabeth sighed, and left. Calleigh set her field kit on the floor and snapped on a pair of latex gloves.

She looked through the drawers first. There were a couple of letters from someone called Nadia; a quick phone call to Speed confirmed she was Adrienne's best friend. The letters weren't extraordinary, just the usual teen stuff: how hot Brad Pitt was in 'Troy', how Adrienne just _had_ to hear the new Usher CD, and did she think Danny from algebra class was interested in Nadia? Calleigh smiled; she remembered the thrill of young love. Almost immediately, she shook her head, laughing at herself; she wasn't _that_ old.

The closet was next. Again, Calleigh found nothing unusual. Same story with Adrienne's backpack and gym bag.

She hit paydirt when she picked up Adrienne's bible. Adrienne hadn't zipped the cover closed, so when Calleigh lifted it, a notebook fell out. A journal. Calleigh didn't feel comfortable reading it with Elizabeth downstairs, and bagged it as evidence.

On her way out, she peeked into the living room. Elizabeth was asleep in an armchair and Calleigh breathed a sigh of relief at being spared her questions.

"As soon as I know anything, I'll call you," she promised the sleeping woman.

* * *

April 3, Oh God, oh God, I don't know what to do. I feel, I don't know. I'm scared. No. I feel, sick. Why'd you let this happen to me, huh? I don't understand. What did I do? It hurts, I never thought it could hurt so much. I feel like I want to die and right now I don't care that wishing that is a sin! Are you even there? Do you care? How could you let this happen to me? I HATE YOU!!!

April 4, I went to church today. I don't know why, 'cause clearly you don't care about me anymore. But Mom would have known something was up if I'd stayed at home. I just want you to know I didn't want to be there. If you really loved me the way I've always been told you did, you would NOT have let this happen. So screw you. I'm done with you. You got a sick sense of humor, you know that? Having Rev. T talk about Job and how much he suffered and how it was all a test. You don't love me, you didn't love him. This is all one big sick joke to you. Isn't it? Maybe you're not even in control. Maybe you just get to watch. Did you feel anything when he hurt me? Did you cry when he hit me? What about when I screamed, what did you feel then? Did you even hear when I prayed to you? When I BEGGED you to make him stop?

April 5, School today, and wasn't that fun! N. asked how my weekend was, and what could I say except, "Fine"? I sat out of gym class. I didn't want people to watch me get dressed in case they saw the scratches and the bruises. You know what the worst thing was though? I still felt like they could see anyway, like they were all looking at me and they just KNEW what had happened. And I hate it. I hate you. I don't know why I'm still speaking to you. Are you even listening? Did you ever? We read a poem in English today: how do you like your blue-eyed boy, mr. death? I thought of you. How did you like him, huh? I figured out why you don't love me. Because if you loved me, you'd have to love him too. So I guess it's okay.

Calleigh stopped reading. She marked her place and closed the journal. She was glad she'd decided to read it in Horatio's office; now no one could see her cry. Her heart was breaking for what Adrienne had endured.

Horatio found her there, staring into space. He took one look at her and knew something was wrong.

"Cal?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

She shook her head. "This poor girl. I'm reading her diary now and it's . . . Horatio, I can't even begin to describe what she was going through."

Horatio sat next to her and took her hands. "The abortion?"

"More than that. She was raped. I don't know why this is getting to me though. It's not as if we've never dealt with rape cases before."

"But you've never read a firsthand account, have you?"

"No."

"Does she say who it was?"

"Not yet. I'll keep reading. So far she's just using initials to identify people, but maybe I'll get lucky."

Horatio raised her hands to his lips. "Let me know how it goes."

"How's your investigation?"

"Looks like a drug deal gone sour. Two survivors. One is in ICU; the other is a little girl who doesn't want to talk about the bad man. So it's up to the evidence. I'm waiting on ballistics from Aaron . . . if you want I could put you on my case and put Eric with Speed?"

"No," she said, her mouth set in a determined line. "I need to see this through."

Horatio smiled. "That's my Cal."

Speed knocked on the door. "Calleigh, Nadia's here."

"Thanks." She gave Horatio a quick kiss on the cheek, picked up the journal, and followed Speed downstairs.

Nadia Petrof was a slim brunette with dark, frightened eyes. She sat in the interview room, nervously shredding a Kleenex. Her chin trembled as Calleigh and Speed entered, and she blinked quickly to hide her tears.

"Hi, Nadia. I'm Calleigh. You've met Tim, right?"

Nadia nodded.

"Right. Nadia, you know Adrienne died because something went wrong with her abortion."

"That's what he said." Her eyes darted to Speed, then back to Calleigh.

"Did you know she was pregnant?"

Nadia studied what was left of her Kleenex. After a while, she nodded.

"Do you know who the father was?"

"It isn't what you think. Adrienne's a good person. She would never sleep around or cheat on Doug—"

Calleigh opened the journal and slid it across the table to Nadia. "We know."

"Oh." Nadia looked everywhere except at the journal.

"Do you know what's in here?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"She didn't want anyone to know. She was embarrassed. And scared."

"Nadia, is this diary going to tell us who raped her?"

Nadia pressed her lips together.

"Do you know who did it?"

Nadia wiped her tears away. "No. I don't know anything else. Can I go home, please?"

Speed and Calleigh exchanged a glance. It was clear that Nadia was lying, but they both knew she had said all that she was going to say.

"Yeah," Speed said. "You can go home."

* * *

Yelina was completely charmed by the little girl she was looking after. After breakfast, she'd taken Madison home. She'd bathed her and washed her hair, and couldn't help wondering if she and Raymond would have had a daughter, if he'd lived.

She'd been thinking about Raymond all day. It was the case, she told herself. She could no longer look at drugs without thinking of her husband.

And it followed, when she thought of him, she thought of how he'd died. Of the rumors and the suspicion. Of all that had been left unsaid between them.

"Yelina, can we get ice cream?"

Yelina smiled. "We can get ice cream, if you'll talk a bit about last night."

All the light vanished from Madison's eyes. "No."

"Okay. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, got that?"

Madison said nothing.

Yelina sighed. "I have to fetch my son from school. I think he'll want to come for ice cream too."

Madison still looked distant, but she took Yelina's hand and didn't protest as they went out to the car.

It was only when Madison saw Ray that she smiled again. "Is that your son?"

"Yes."

"Is he nice?"

"Sometimes."

"Do you think he'll like me?" Her eyes were wide, expectant, and Yelina felt something inside her melt.

"Of course he'll like you."

When Ray climbed in the car and greeted his mother with a smile, Madison smiled shyly up at him. Yelina's grin froze in place as she realized, only now, what it was about Madison that had first struck her.

Her eyes. Her mouth. Raymond.

Oh God.


	2. two

May 10, I'm late.

May 11, I'm scared to write down what I think, in case that would make it true. N's been asking what's going on, why I haven't been talking to her and stuff, and I almost told her. But then D. came up to us and hugged me and I had to pretend that I was enjoying it. He hasn't noticed that anything's wrong. Neither have my parents. And see, if I pretend hard enough that everything's fine, it will be. I will be. I have to be. Because it can't get any worse than it is now.

May 13, I was wrong. I told N. everything and she went to the drugstore for me and bought a test. I thought it would feel different, that I'd be able to feel it growing in me. I don't feel anything. I wish I was dead.

May 17, I went to see J. today. I told him about the baby and he laughed and told me to stop lying. Then he hit me. I said I wasn't lying, and I was going to tell everyone what he'd done and then he grabbed my throat – I thought he was going to kill me and part of me wanted him to, 'cause then it would all be over – and he said to keep quiet, that he'd take care of it. I know what he means and I don't care. I never wanted this baby in the first place.

"Cal?"

Calleigh closed the journal and stood, stretching out the kinks in her back. She'd taken the notebook home to read, and had gotten so wrapped up in it that she hadn't noticed the time. She left the study and found Horatio in the kitchen. His back was to her. Calleigh smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Hey," she mumbled into his back.

"Where were you hiding?"

"I was reading."

"Ah." He turned around and pulled her close. "Find anything interesting?"

"I think whoever raped her arranged for the abortion."

Horatio said nothing but continued to hold Calleigh, giving her a much-needed sense of stability and love. She knew she was getting too involved, but she couldn't stop now. Adrienne Oxley couldn't help herself; somebody had to. Calleigh had to.

But she wouldn't be able to help anyone if she burned out.

"How's your case going?" she asked.

"All the bullets came from the same gun, though none of which we found at the scene. We're thinking it was a setup. All the prints at the scene belonged to the vics. I'm hoping Madison will open up enough to give us a description."

"Who's Madison?"

"The little girl. Suzie Barnham's kid – do you remember Suzie? She knew Chaz."

And Raymond, Calleigh thought. "Are you okay?"

Horatio nodded. "She's in ICU with a bullet in her brain. I hope she wakes up, but if she does . . ." He didn't need to mention the possible effects.

"What's going to happen to Madison?"

"I don't know. I left her with Yelina." He frowned. "She never called me back."

"So call her now."

Horatio opened his cell phone and dialed Yelina's number. When she didn't answer, he put the phone away, his brow slightly furrowed.

"She's not answering."

"That's strange."

"Hmm."

"You think everything's okay?"

Horatio nodded. "I'm sure everything's fine. I just can't help worrying when it comes to cases like this . . ."

Calleigh went up on her tiptoes to kiss Horatio's cheek. "And we all love you for it. Now, I need some cheering up. What do you say we get a video and Chinese?"

* * *

Alexx was waiting for Calleigh in the break room the next morning. She greeted Calleigh with a grim smile and handed her a folder.

"I've got the complete results for you. As I told you yesterday, Adrienne had an abortion. D and C. Whoever did it was sloppy; they ruptured the wall of her uterus. She bled to death. Poor thing didn't know she was dying."

Calleigh shook her head. "She didn't deserve this."

"No one deserves this." Alexx pointed to a photograph of Adrienne's wrists. "See these scars? They're about a month old."

"She tried to kill herself." Calleigh remembered her words: _I wish I was dead_, and wanted to cry. Her pager went off, letting her know that Adrienne's parents had arrived. "Thanks, Alexx," she said.

* * *

Madison hadn't wanted to talk to Child Services. Yelina felt bad about leaving her but she'd needed time to think. If what she suspected was true, then . . .

Then what? She didn't know what to do. Should she go to Horatio? Should she pretend it wasn't true? Could she really let Raymond's child go to foster care?

She trusted Bella Johansen, the social worker Horatio had called in. They'd worked with her before and she knew Bella would honestly put Madison's well being first. If Suzie Barnham never came out of her coma, Bella would do her best to make sure Madison was placed with a good family.

Damn it, Raymond, Yelina thought. How could you do this?

Yelina would go mad if she kept this to herself. She needed to talk this through with someone. Hagen? He was Raymond's partner, but Yelina didn't want to complicate the relationship they were building by bringing up her husband.

Horatio, then. But could he stand to learn something like this about his brother?

She was about to find out. Horatio had just entered the bullpen. He smiled when he saw her. She raised her hand.

"Hey. You weren't answering your phone last night. I was worried."

She gave a wan smile. "Can we talk?"

His voice dropped. "Is everything okay?"

"Not here." She took his arm and led him to the hallway for more privacy, speaking as they walked. "Horatio, I . . . something's happened . . . I think . . . I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or if . . . if . . . Did Raymond ever cheat on me?"

Horatio sighed. "I wish I could tell you he didn't, but I honestly don't know. I've come to realize I didn't know my brother at all."

"Who was Suzie Barnham to Raymond?"

"She was involved with Chaz."

Yelina stopped. "Chaz."

"Do you think Raymond was having an affair?"

"I don't know." Yelina blinked back tears. Horatio took a handkerchief from his pocket, offering to her. "Those last few months . . . he was a stranger to me. When he went undercover, he changed completely. I blamed it on the drugs but I thought we'd work through it. I thought everything would get better when he went back to normal duty . . . I need you to take a look at something and tell me if it's all in my head."

"Okay."

They were right outside one of the interview rooms. Through the glass, Yelina saw Madison smiling at Bella.

"Look at her and tell me she's not Raymond's."

Horatio's silence was confirmation enough. She looked at him; his gaze was fixed on Madison. She couldn't read his expression.

"I can't believe I didn't see it before."

"She is his, isn't she?"

"I'll need a DNA sample to be sure." He strode off; leaving Yelina to stare at the little girl who knew absolutely nothing of the turmoil her appearance had caused.

Five minutes later, Horatio was back carrying a swab. He knocked on the door before entering.

"Mr. Horatio!" Madison grinned.

"Hello, Madison. Bella." He smiled at the social worker. "Sorry to interrupt. Could I have a minute?"

"Of course. Madison and I were just finishing up."

"Bella says I can go see Mommy today. Are you coming too?" Madison's eyes shone with excitement.

"Not today, sweetheart. Do you remember what this is?" He held up the swab.

Madison nodded and held out her hands. "Are you gonna clean my nails again?"

Horatio smiled. "No. This is for something else. Could you open your mouth for me?"

Madison did as she was asked, giggling as the swab tickled the inside of her cheek.

"Thank you, Madison."

* * *

Calleigh was sipping her umpteenth cup of coffee when Alexx entered the break room. She was too tired to stand to greet her friend, and gave a half-hearted wave instead. Alexx poured herself a cup of tea then went to sit next to Calleigh.

"Hey. How'd it go with the parents?"

Calleigh sighed. "Not good. Mom's in denial. Dad's angry. He kept asking what we were doing to find, quote 'the son of a bitch responsible for killing his baby', unquote. When we told him she'd been raped, he just about went through the roof."

"I don't envy you guys. It's hard being in the autopsy room, but it must be even harder to have to try and explain what happened to the ones left behind."

"Yeah." Calleigh closed her eyes. "I keep thinking about what Adrienne went through. I can't begin to imagine how horrible it was. Then I think about what happened to me . . . it's nothing compared to what she endured. I recovered with my soul still intact, but Adrienne . . ."

Alexx squeezed Calleigh's hand. "Don't try to make comparisons. They're two completely different things. And don't forget, you had Horatio."

Calleigh smiled at the mention of her husband. "I did. I do."

The women were silent for a while. Then, Calleigh said, "What do you think drives a person to have an abortion?"

Alexx shrugged. "Many things. Shame. Fear. Anger too, to an extent."

"She didn't know it was going to kill her. She thought it would make things right again."

"Most girls do."

Calleigh's hand went to her stomach. Since her attack, the action had become automatic. She knew without having to look exactly where her scar was. Deliberately misinterpreting the gesture, Alexx smiled, taking the opportunity to lighten the moment.

"Are you and Horatio thinking about kids?"

Calleigh's eyes widened. "Good Lord, no, not yet. I mean, of course I want to have his children one day, but it's still a bit soon."

Alexx laughed. "Sometimes God has other plans. You know, both Janie and Brian are pill babies."

"You're kidding, right?"

Alexx just smiled.

Horatio entered before Calleigh could respond. He looked stressed. Calleigh stood.

"Hey, you."

He said nothing, but wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair.

"What's wrong?"

"I just needed a hug."

"You guys are too cute," Alexx said.

Horatio looked at her over Calleigh's head. He smiled. "Don't I pay you to, you know, actually work?"

"Yes, slavedriver. I can see when I'm not wanted." Alexx stood. "Later, Calleigh."

"So, what's wrong?" Calleigh asked once they were alone.

Horatio held her tighter. "I . . ."

Calleigh's cell phone rang. "Damn it." She smiled apologetically. "Calleigh Caine."

It was Nadia Petrof.

* * *

Nadia made a sad picture; standing at the water's edge, she looked so alone and so fragile. Calleigh half-expected a gust of wind to whisk her away. She'd sounded frightened on the phone, and the fear was enough to drag Calleigh there without first finding out what was worrying Horatio.

Calleigh stopped a few feet away from Nadia. "Hi!"

Nadia turned and it was clear she'd been crying. "Thank you for coming."

Calleigh closed the distance between them. "What was it you wanted to tell me?"

Nadia turned back to the ocean. "Adrienne loved the sea. She wanted to be a marine biologist. She was so smart."

"Nadia, who's J?"

Nadia hugged herself. "He didn't kill her."

"He paid for the abortion."

Nadia nodded. "I knew he'd take care of it."

"You know him, then?"

Nadia bit her nails. "It's all my fault."

"That she was raped?"

"She was scared to go through with the operation but I told her it would be okay . . . I said there was nothing to be scared of . . ."

"Who is J?"

"Someone Adrienne babysat for."

"Why didn't you tell us this before?"

Nadia shrugged. "I don't know. I was scared, I guess. I thought he'd . . ."

"Thought he'd what? Nadia, tell me who he is."

She shook her head. "I can't. I'm sorry."

"Nadia . . ."

Nadia turned and ran up the beach.

"Nadia, wait!"

"Just leave me alone!"

Calleigh sighed and slowly made her way back to the car.


	3. three

Speed was waiting for Calleigh when she returned to CSI. "I've checked with all the clinics and doctors who perform legal abortions in Miami. No one remembers Adrienne and there's no record of her anywhere. I'm waiting to hear back from the surrounding cities."

Calleigh nodded, her mind still on Nadia. She relayed their conversation to Speed, then said, "There's more than she's telling us. But she's very scared."

"Did you get anything else from the diary?"

"I'll go over it again, see if I missed anything."

"Okay. I'll get back to checking the clinics." He turned back to the computer.

"Hey, do you know where Horatio is?"

Speed shook his head. "Sorry. Last I saw, he was heading out with Yelina."

"Thanks."

* * *

May 20, N. keeps apologizing. She says she feels bad about what happened. About the rape – look, I can say that now without falling apart. Doesn't mean I'm getting better. I still can't sleep. Every time I eat something, I feel like puking. Maybe it's bearable if you want to have a baby. I hate it. I hate everything about this. And I know it's not really N's fault but I keep thinking if she hadn't . . . No, it's not important. N. says it's too early for morning sickness, that it's all in my head. She's probably right. I don't care.

May 25, I can't go through with it. It doesn't matter how terrible I feel, I just can't do it. We're both innocent, me and the baby, and I can't punish it for something that isn't its fault. The bible says it's wrong to kill. Rev. T's been talking about the Ten Commandments in church. Last week it was the sixth. 'Do not commit murder.' Okay, if it's so wrong, why is there such a thing as justifiable homicide? Maybe there's a way to punish J. instead of the baby . . . No. Then everyone will know. And they'll talk. And they'll say it was all my fault. Maybe it is. Maybe I said something or did something to make him think I wanted . . . Nonononono! I didn't do anything wrong! In the bible, Amnon raped Tamar and Absalom killed Amnon for it. Surely that was justifiable homicide?

May 27, I can fix this, and no one will have to know. If I kill myself, it'll all be over. Mom, Dad, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. I wish I could go back in time, but I can't, so this is the only way. I love you.

May 28, I couldn't do it! I was there, ready, I made the first cut and everything, but then I saw the blood and I couldn't do it. I don't want to die. I don't know what to do. God, please help me fix this.

June 1, I can't believe it's been almost two months. It feels like forever. It also feels okay. I think I'll be okay. In seven months' time, I'm going to have a baby. I think that might be okay too.

* * *

Nadia's mother didn't ask any questions when Calleigh rang the doorbell and introduced herself. "She's in her room," she said.

"Thanks."

Nadia was curled up on her bed. There was an angry red palm print on her cheek. She couldn't meet Calleigh's gaze.

"Nadia, what happened?"

Her voice was lifeless, disinterested. "He knew I spoke to you. I'm sorry. I can't tell you anything else."

Calleigh placed Adrienne's diary on the bed. "Adrienne was going to keep the baby."

Nadia nodded.

"But you convinced her not to."

"You don't understand." Nadia turned terrified eyes to Calleigh. "He said I had to make her have the abortion."

"Did he threaten you?"

She hesitated before answering, "Yes."

"And he threatened you if you came to the police."

"Yes."

Calleigh thought for a moment. "Okay. We can help you, if you trust us. Tell me who he is."

Nadia sat and drew her knees up, hugging them to her chest. "Has anybody threatened to kill you before?"

An image of Dos Santos flashed into Calleigh's mind. "Yes." She made a quick decision and stood. Unbuttoning her pants, she lowered them enough to show Nadia her scar.

"The man who did this is in prison now. He's going to be there for the rest of his life."

Nadia couldn't look away from the scar. She was very quiet.

"Okay," she said.

* * *

Yelina stood at the foot of Suzie Barnham's bed and stared down at the comatose woman. Try as she might, she couldn't picture Suzie and Raymond together. But it had happened, at least once, probably more times. Horatio had done the tests himself. Madison was Raymond's daughter.

"I wish you would wake up. I have so many questions for you. Did Raymond know about Madison? Did . . . did you know about me?"

Yelina stopped talking when a white-coated doctor entered. He smiled at her. "Hi, I didn't know anyone was in here. Are you family?"

"Uh . . . yes." Yelina didn't know what had made her say that.

"Well, I'm afraid I have bad news for you. There's no brain activity happening. I'm very sorry."

Yelina looked back at Suzie. "She's brain dead?"

"Yes."

Someone was going to have to tell Madison.

Madison. Now the child was really an orphan. That meant foster care until an adoption, if there was an adoption. No, Horatio would never let his niece go to strangers.

"Excuse me." Yelina hurried out into the hallway. She needed to think. Why had she come here when there was a case to solve? Why did she care so much for the comatose woman?

And why did she feel so responsible for what happened to Madison?

* * *

Horatio studied the crime scene reports for the Sleep 'n Eat Motel. From what he'd managed to put together, the man they'd identified as Joel Garcia had driven to the motel to meet Robert Keaton so he could buy meth. The other man was a John Doe whose fingerprints had been found with Garcia's in a van parked outside.

Horatio was furious that Suzie and Madison had been there too. The last time he'd seen Suzie, she was on her way to rehab.

Since the bullets pulled from the bodies did not match any of the guns at the scene, Horatio could only think there had been another person. Someone who had shot three men and a woman in cold blood, but left a child unharmed.

Maybe the shooter hadn't known Madison was there. Or maybe he was a father too.

Horatio frowned. Madison must have seen him. He had to see her again; maybe today she would be willing to talk.

And maybe he just wanted a reason to talk to his niece.

* * *

"Adrienne loved kids," Nadia said. "She was everyone's favorite babysitter. I always teased her that she'd probably babysit for the rest of her life."

Nadia and Calleigh were sitting on Nadia's porch swing. They rocked gently as they spoke. Now that Nadia had decided to tell Calleigh everything, she was visibly freer and more relaxed.

"How long were you two friends?"

Nadia smiled. "Forever. We have the same birthday. Our mothers met in the maternity ward. We've grown up together."

"Like sisters."

"Yeah."

"And you told each other everything?"

Nadia nodded. "We had this secret code when we were kids . . . she used the code to tell me about the . . . rape . . . I didn't know what I was supposed to do or say, so I said nothing . . . and then she said she was pregnant and I just felt so guilty . . ."

Things were beginning to make sense for Calleigh: Nadia's guilt, her fear of J., her uncertainty.

"You knew he might rape her."

Nadia's head shot up. "No, I didn't . . . I thought . . . I didn't think she'd be in any danger."

"Nadia, did J. rape you too?"

She averted her eyes. "Of course not. He's my uncle."

Calleigh studied Nadia, wondering what she hid under her long-sleeved shirt. She was unhealthily thin and her nails were bitten to the quick. She could be a pretty girl if she made the effort. Adrienne had been pretty though, and look where it got her.

"Nadia, even sisters keep secrets from each other."

Nadia tore at the cuticle on her thumb and gazed at the floor. "I didn't think she was in any danger. He always said I was his . . . his princess. Adrienne was at my house when he asked me to babysit – my cousin, she's three – I didn't want to, so I said no. I made up some excuse so Adrienne volunteered to do it . . . I couldn't . . . I couldn't . . ."

"You couldn't tell her not to without telling her why."

Nadia nodded.

"How long has he been abusing you?"

"Since I was nine."

Calleigh felt the fury spark within her. "What is his name?"

Nadia raised haunted eyes to her. "He's my uncle."

Calleigh though of her own childhood. Her father was an angry, violent drunk, but she'd never stopped loving him. In the end, forgiving him hadn't been that hard. She took Nadia's hand. "You can't choose your family."

"You promise you'll protect me?"

"Yes."

Nadia took a deep breath. "James Lincoln. He's my mom's brother."

"Thank you, Nadia. I've only got one more question. Do you know where Adrienne had her abortion?"


	4. four

Amy Watson shivered as her doctor slipped the stethoscope under her top. She wasn't sure if it was because the stethoscope was cold, or because she thought it was a bit creepy to be seeing a male doctor now that she was fourteen. When his hands brushed her breasts, she decided she'd speak to her mom about switching doctors. Even if the touch meant nothing, it still made her feel weird.

"Your lungs are sounding great, Amy."

"When can I go back to swimming?"

"Not for a couple more weeks." At the look on her face, he smiled. "Bronchitis is nothing to take lightly."

"I guess."

There was a knock at the door and Penny, Dr. James Lincoln's receptionist, stuck her head in. "I'm sorry to interrupt. There are some men here to see you."

"Can it wait?"

"I don't think so. They're—"

The door opened wider and three men entered. Amy noticed one of them was in a police uniform, and she felt sick in the pit of her stomach.

"Excuse me, you can't just barge in here—"

"James Lincoln?" The first man held up a badge. "I'm Detective Hagen. You're under arrest for the rape and murder of Adrienne Oxley."

The third man helped Amy off the gurney. She was too confused and frightened to protest. Rape? Murder? Dr. Lincoln would never—

She remembered her earlier discomfort. Now that she thought about it, the touch didn't seem quite so accidental. She felt like puking.

"Hey, easy." A hand was on her shoulder. "I'm Tim Speedle. Are you okay?"

Amy glanced at Dr. Lincoln. He'd been handcuffed and was being led out. "Did he really do that?"

"Yes."

"Was . . . was she a patient?"

"No."

"Okay . . ." Amy threw up all over Tim Speedle's shoes.

* * *

James Lincoln sat in a stony silence while his lawyer spoke. Calleigh and Nadia stood behind the mirror. Nadia was clearly tense; she chewed her lower lip, hugging herself. Calleigh touched her shoulder and gave a reassuring smile.

"You don't have to be here."

Nadia shook her head. "I have to see what he says."

"Okay."

Speed and Hagen entered the interview room. Calleigh could see by their posture that neither was going to be playing the good cop. She had to admit that she didn't care.

"Why don't you tell me what happened with Adrienne Oxley," Hagen said. "And don't waste my time by lying."

Lincoln leaned forward. "She babysat for me once."

Speed looked at the file he'd brought in. "You're divorced, is that right?"

"Separated. My wife and I are trying to work things out."

"And you see your child every second weekend?"

"Yes."

"So why'd you need a babysitter? If I only saw my daughter twice a month, I'd want to spend every second of it with her. How about you, John?"

Hagen nodded. "But Adrienne was a beautiful girl."

"I didn't rape her. She came onto me. You know what they say; it's always the quiet ones."

"You didn't expect her to get pregnant, did you?"

"Don't answer that," the lawyer said.

"So she went back to you, a very brave thing to do, and confronted you. You got scared and said you'd take care of it. Am I right so far?"

Lincoln shrugged non-committally.

"Only you figured it was cheaper to do the abortion yourself instead of sending her to a clinic. But you were in a hurry. You made a mistake. You killed her."

"Prove it."

It was Speed's turn again. "Adrienne's wasn't the first abortion you performed. She wasn't the first girl you raped. And since you're not the kind of guy to let something like family get in the way, you went for your niece. What's your sister going to think when she finds out?"

Lincoln snorted. "This is about Nadia? She was just as bad as her friend."

"So you're saying she came onto you too?"

"Yes."

Hagen slammed his fist down on the table. "Bullshit. She was nine years old."

Lincoln sighed. "Look, Nadia's not a normal kid. She's got . . . problems. She's just looking for attention. I'm sure most of what she's told you only happened in her head."

Behind the glass, Nadia was in tears. "He's lying."

"I know," Calleigh said.

"They're going to believe him."

"No, they won't."

"Nadia's been anorexic since she was eleven," Speed said. "Last spring, her mother rushed her to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. She cuts herself."

"I told you, she's an attention seeker."

"The only thing she's seeking is a way out of this mess. She swallowed a bottle of pills after you aborted her baby."

Lincoln said nothing.

"I only have one more thing I want to know. When you were raping Adrienne, where was your little girl? I'm going to take a wild guess and say with her mother, seeing as how it wasn't your weekend and all."

Lincoln's jaw tightened. Hagen nodded to Speed and they stood.

Outside, Nadia sobbed in Calleigh's arms.

"It's over now," Calleigh said. "He can't hurt you anymore."

"Yes," Nadia wept. "But why'd she have to die to make it happen?"

* * *

June 6, I'm sorry I pushed you away. I was scared and angry, and I guess I still am, but I know everything will be okay. This morning's sermon was about forgiveness and how it's never easy, but it's what we have to do. Rev. T. said if you could forgive us, then who are we to hold grudges against the people who hurt us? For the first time since it happened, I read my bible. All I can say is, you work in mysterious ways! The verse I read was Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I don't know why this had to happen to me, but I trust you. I know you have a reason for everything.

* * *

Madison was coloring a picture when Yelina entered the room. She was surprised to find Horatio already there. "Hey."

He smiled, but there was pain in his eyes, the same pain reflected in hers. "How are you holding up?"

She shrugged. "Hey, Maddie."

The child grinned and held out a sheet of paper. There were stick figures on it, and lots of red. Yelina took it. "Thank you."

"Why don't you tell Yelina what's happening in the picture?" Horatio suggested.

Madison stood, pointing to each of the figures in turn. "That's Daddy and Uncle Joel and Uncle Nick. That's Mommy and that's me. Mommy's on the floor. She's crying."

Yelina tapped the remaining figure. "Who's that?"

"That's the bad man. Daddy was selling sweets to Uncle Rick and Uncle Joel when the bad man came. Then Mommy started crying, 'cause the bad man had a gun. And the bad man looked at me and told me to hide under the bed. Mommy said I must, so I did, and she told me to stay there. Then I heard lots of bangs. An' I know I wasn't s'posed to peek but I did, and the bad man wasn't there anymore."

"Madison, do you know what the bad man's name was?"

She frowned thoughtfully. "Chad . . . no, Chaz. Daddy called him Chaz."

"I thought he was still in jail." Yelina looked at Horatio.

He shook his head and stood. "They're supposed to inform us of all paroles and escapes. I'll follow it up."

Madison watched him go, then turned to Yelina. "Can I see Mommy today?"

"Come sit here a minute."

She climbed onto Yelina's lap.

"Do you know the story of Sleeping Beauty?"

Madison nodded eagerly. "She slept for a hundred years!"

"Well, your Mommy is a lot like Sleeping Beauty. No one knows when she's going to wake up."

A tear trickled down Madison's cheek. "She won't."

"Why do you say that?"

"'Cause Daddy's in heaven. He can't kiss her awake."

Yelina hugged her tight. "I spoke to Bella earlier. How would you like to stay with me and Ray for a while?"

"Will Mr. Horatio come visit?"

"Yes, he will."

"Can we have ice cream?"

"Sometimes."

Madison burrowed her head into Yelina's neck, her tears heating Yelina's skin. "Okay."


	5. five

Horatio smiled at the guard as he entered the evidence storage room. He didn't have to look up the location of his brother's case. He'd just got off the phone with Chaz's parole officer. Chaz had been released for good behavior a month earlier. He'd missed his last appointment. The police were out looking for him right now.

Horatio opened the box and sifted through it until he found what he was looking for. The single bullet that had changed his life. The bullet that had killed his brother. A hunch had brought him here again, a hunch and a prayer for closure.

He resealed the box, signed the bullet out and went in search of Calleigh. He knew she was finishing up on the other case, and though Aaron was working on the motel shooting, this was about his brother and he couldn't trust it to anyone but Calleigh.

She looked tired, he thought when he saw her in the break room. The Oxley case had been hard on her and he'd been too preoccupied with his brother to focus on her. Watching her now, he regretted it. Calleigh was his wife, she'd needed him and he'd been busy. He hugged her from behind.

"Hey."

She relaxed into him. "Hey, handsome. I've been looking for you."

"I'm sorry."

His tone gave him away. She turned around and looked up at him. "What's wrong?"

"Raymond." He didn't need to say more.

"I should've guessed. I'm sorry I've been so focused on this other case—"

He pressed a finger to her lips. "It's me who's sorry."

Calleigh smiled. "You have nothing to apologize for. I know how you feel about Ray's death."

"That's actually why I'm here." He held out the bullet. "Will you run this against the bullets from my case?"

She didn't ask why he hadn't had Aaron do it. "Do you want me to test the guns as well?"

"Please."

"Okay. But you have to cook dinner tonight."

He pulled her close. "Thank you. I'll explain everything when you get home. I have so much to tell you."

Calleigh kissed him. "I love you."

* * *

Calleigh was sitting in her doctor's waiting room when her cell phone rang. "Calleigh Caine."

"Hi." It was Nadia.

"Hey, is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I just . . . I wanted to thank you for what you did. I appreciate it. I had a long conversation with my mom when I got home and . . . well, I've agreed to get some counseling."

"I'm glad."

"Well, anyway, thanks."

"Nadia, if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me."

"Sure."

Calleigh hung up. There were pamphlets about pregnancy on the table next to her. She picked one up. In it was a picture of a fetus at twelve weeks old.

Adrienne's baby had been twelve weeks old when it died. Calleigh put the pamphlet down. Adrienne's last diary entry had been June 6. No one would ever know what had happened in the three weeks between then and the abortion that had made her change her mind. Calleigh wondered if Adrienne would have still gone through with it if she'd known how things would turn out.

"Mrs. Caine." The receptionist smiled at Calleigh. "Dr. Hunt is ready to see you."

* * *

Horatio stood in front of his brother's headstone. He exhaled, a deep, sad sigh and sank to his haunches.

"Oh, Ray . . . what were you thinking?"

He had come here so many times over the years, first to his parents' graves, then to his brother's. For the first few months after Raymond's death, he hadn't been able to come. He'd been too hurt, too angry . . . too emotional to be here. Raymond's death felt like his failure; he should have protected him, he should have been a better brother, he should tried harder when they were growing up . . .

And all the while, he knew that it wasn't really his fault. Raymond had lived his own life and had made his own choices. Horatio had just come to terms with the drugs, and now there was Suzie and Madison.

He was going to tell Calleigh tonight. For so long, he'd kept everything to himself, it had been easy to continue even though she was in his life. Maybe she would help him come to some kind of decision. He knew one thing with absolute certainty though: he would not let Madison live with strangers.

"You always did know how to complicate things, Ray."

Horatio stood. He had to leave if he wanted to make it home before Calleigh, especially since he'd agreed to cook for her.

His thoughts were on his brother as he drove home. By the time he pulled into the driveway, he felt a strange sort of peace. It was time to let go of Raymond's ghost.

Calleigh lay on the couch, her bare feet dangling over the edge. Horatio's breath caught in his throat, and he was barely able to get her name out. He would never get past coming home and finding her dying on the couch. "Cal?"

"Hey."

"Is everything okay?" He could breathe again.

She sat up and smiled at him over the couch. "Yeah. I went to the doctor today."

"Oh?" The worry crept in again.

"Relax, it was just a checkup. This case has just had me thinking."

It's Calleigh-time, Horatio thought. Focus. "About babies?"

"Yeah. I guess."

Horatio sat next to her, smiling when she curled into him. "We've never talked about kids before."

"Should we have? We've only been married for two weeks!" There was an edge to her laugh.

"So . . . the checkup?"

Calleigh's hand moved to her belly. "I had a couple of questions. I wasn't sure if I could still fall pregnant after . . . my injury. Everything's fine, though. Dr. Hunt says there's no reason I shouldn't be able to fall pregnant . . . one day, in the future . . ." She smiled. "I was just being stupid."

"No, you weren't. You needed to know if there was a chance of problems . . . one day, in the future."

Her laugh came easily. "So you do want kids?"

"Only with you."

She kissed him, then stood. "I have something for you."

She picked up an envelope from the coffee table and handed it to him. He opened it and laid out the photographs.

"I ran all the tests you asked for. The bullet matched the gun belonging to Robert Keaton."

Horatio felt like he'd been kicked in the gut. "Keaton killed Raymond."

"I'm sorry."

"It's over . . . You know, I've thought about this moment a thousand times. I always thought I'd be able to look Raymond's killer in the eyes . . . It's over."

Calleigh squeezed his hand. "The pain never completely goes away. It's part of who you are."

Horatio pulled her onto his lap and held her for a moment. "I need to tell you what's been on my mind lately. It's about Raymond and Suzie Barnham, and a little girl called Madison . . ."

* * *

Madison let go of Yelina's hand and approached her mother. She was just as Yelina had said – like Sleeping Beauty. Only, Madison didn't think Sleeping Beauty'd had a bandage around her head and hundreds of tubes sticking out of her.

She looked at all the machines. Some of the lines were jagged and others were flat. There was a beeping noise that Madison didn't really like, but Yelina had explained on the way here that though Mommy might look scary, all of the machines were helping her stay alive.

Madison hoped that she would never be this sick. The hospital smelled funny, and there were too many people here.

She pushed the chair closer to the bed and climbed onto it, taking her mother's hand. She frowned at the needle in Suzie's hand. Madison didn't like needles.

"Hi, Mommy. I'm sorry I didn't come visit before. I missed you. Yelina says you're going to sleep for a long time, so I guess you didn't miss me. I get to stay with Yelina and Ray – he's my friend. He let me play with him."

Madison lowered her voice. "I know Daddy's in heaven now and he can't kiss you better, but I really, really, really hope you wake up soon. 'Cause Yelina's nice, but I miss you."

She bent and kissed her mother's brow. "I love you, Mommy."

* * *

Nadia sat on the beach as the day drew to a close around her. She watched the tide come in, and for once the crash of the waves felt liberating instead of stifling. She took a deep breath of the salt air as a raindrop landed on her nose. She looked up at the sky. More rain fell. Nadia stayed exactly where she was. The rain on her cheeks mingled with her tears.

She couldn't stop thinking of her last conversation with Adrienne, and how this was all her fault. _"What are your parents going to say?"_

Adrienne shrugged. "I'm going to tell the truth. They'll understand."

"What if they don't believe you?" She could see Adrienne hadn't considered that possibility. "He's a respectable doctor, you're just a schoolkid. They'll think it's Doug's."

"Nadia, I—"

She put her arm around Adrienne's shoulders, hating herself more than she ever had. She wanted to explain, wanted to say no one had believed her, that her mother had called her a slut and told her to stop spreading lies about her Uncle James. She said instead, "It's better this way."

She was wrong, and her friend had paid the price. She hugged her knees to her chest, hiding her face, and wept for Adrienne.

She wept for the baby, who'd never even had a chance.

She cried for herself.

And the rain kept falling, cleansing and healing.

* * *

The end.

Coming soon to an inbox near you: Still Life. "I swear I left her by the river, I swear I left her safe and sound . . ." (Richard Marx, "Hazard")


End file.
